Real talk

Honestly I don't know where to start, 

I am the kid who wants to be honest, but I'm not sure.....Paris has been amazing, I'm able to say what I want, and none of you knew who I am..... Well you will tomorrow. Anyway,

Paris is an escape from the real world, you go there 

And let your heart run free. 

I haven't said much in class, I'm more of an observant one in the way of high school trying to be noticed but staying quiet because 

I'm afraid, I'm afraid that if I try to be noticed I will be ridiculed, cast out, and humiliated.

That's the problem, I'm like smeagle and gollum, apart of me does and apart of me doesn't. Sad to say that we live in a judgmental world, I just wish that people could be themselves and that there weren't any cliques. (But that's like asking for world peace.... It won't happen) 

I've been thinking so much lately, this is the year our lives are going to change forever, 

But I don't feel ready for college and church services and marriage... Wow

It's quite crazy to know the decisions I make this year will make or break the rest of my life. 

The thing I'm most worried about right now is for both of my brothers, I can see them doing things or making rash decisions which will hurt them forever. 

Another thing is I don't want to let my parents down, even when I'm hurting I just need to hide it, because I don't want them to worry about me, my mom tries so hard to influence my older brother and nothing works.

My family is so important to me....

You want the truth... Fine

The truth is my older brother who I have looked up too for my whole life just made the decision that he wanted nothing to do with the LDS church

When I heard that my heart broke for him, I felt as if everything I saw in him changed, I was so upset, he has been the example to my whole family and me, and now the pressure is on my shoulders, I felt as if I was hit by a train all the force baring down on my shoulders, and I'm scared that I know that everything I do can influence my sisters and little brother.

 

And when I leave at the end of this year I'm afraid I'm afraid that things could happen to tear my family apart..

I also have regrets, I regret that I took this class and I didn't take full advantage the whole year on my blog and journal. 

Through some of the year I was a tourist, 

I'm sorry Nelson... 

I wish I would've figured it out earlier,

Goodbye Paris, you will always be in my heart,

Cya tomorrow 

-Hank Gathers-